When I read MSG’s post about being worried about how residency will affect his marriage, I felt sad…but I understood his frustrations. You see, I have fun with this blog and I’m a pretty naturally optimistic person but the truth is that resident boyfriend and I have really had to work to not go crazy as a result of his demanding residency. (I guess the thing that works out to my advantage is that I lived with my psycho sister for many years and living with Jason has been a blessing.) But, it doesn’t mean that we both don’t get frustrated sometimes or that everything comes easily.I read a study years and years ago that was on people who won the lottery and people who just had a spinal cord injury resulting in paralysis. This study concluded a very interesting point. If you were a happy person five minutes before either happened, the odds were good that you were going to be happy. If you were a miserable person five minute before, you were going to remain miserably rich or miserably paralyzed. I think the same concept applies to a lot of things…like relationships, loss of someone you love, and even work related stresses.But, again, that’s just me.My mother, when she was alive, was an oncology nurse and told me to stay away from residents. It’s not like I was allowed to date but it’s sweet that she did try to teach me about relationships…and, sadly, it’s the truth! Residents are usually people that are emotionally unavailable, working crazy hours, and generally unhappy/stressed out/tired a good majority of the time. But…you have to be willing to work at it and they have to be willing to work at it. Deep down, I believe that there is a good person in all of us and if you’re dating a doctor, just be patient because you might have to dig deep at times. (This paragraph, by the way, is in reference to a few friends of mine that were general surgery residents and not resident boyfriend. That is quite a difficult rotation...)There are little things that resident boyfriend does that keeps me from going nuts. I hope that I’m not coming off as being selfish or mean towards Jason because I’m not. I’m just being honest here--the schedule is tough! He is usually at work from early morning to late evening…and I’m usually home cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. I’m a cleanaholic and (I’m sorry, babe) Jason is not. But, to be fair, I suck at picking up my phone and I’m quite emotional before a monthly event. Ahem. :-PBut, resident boyfriend and I have a bit of a routine and it helps out a lot. I’m not saying that this works for all relationships, I’m just sharing what works for us as Jason and I both had some difficult relationships in our past lives.1. Talk, talk, talk: Communication is key to a healthy relationship, I believe. Men and women cannot magically read each other’s thoughts and it’s important to share your thoughts no matter what because miscommunications can be horrible. Perfect example--last night, Jason and I pulled into the garage and as I was collecting our things from the car, I noticed that I had crushed up a Cheez-It with my foot and decided to pull off the rug to shake it out in the garage. I had some difficulty with the rug and kept on asking, “how do you get it off?” while tugging at it. Jason started snickering and I got a little upset because I thought he was teasing me about not knowing how to free the rug. I explained my frustration and then he told me that he was laughing because I kept on repeating, “how do you get it off, how do you get it off?" while tugging on something. I started laughing, crisis averted, good moment created. :-PIt’s important to talk about your fears, as I hope MSG does with his wife, because when you discover that your partner may be worried about the same thing, you can work towards a solution. Sometimes, you just need to talk.2. Mandatory make-out session: Sounds goofy but every night before we go to bed, we lay around, wrapped up in each other, for about ten minutes and talk about our day and plans for the next. Then, as we are about to fall asleep, we have our mandatory make-out session that lasts anywhere from 60 seconds to an hour later. :-P No matter what has happened in the day, this is the part of the night where it’s almost like a reprieve. Let go of what happened today…and tomorrow’s another day.3. Try your best AND don’t forget to leave some hints that you’re trying! When I do the laundry, I have to empty resident boyfriend’s pant and scrub pockets. I can’t tell you how many to do list I found that have “buy Avi present/flowers” on them. It sounds silly but that gesture alone is better than actually getting the flowers! :o) When I did his laundry the first time, I snuck little notes in his pockets that I called “Shirt Pocket Fortune” that said that “if you found this fortune, it means that your girlfriend wants you (and other things that I cannot state on this blog, hehe…).” Little gesture, but he LOVED finding it at work. :-P4. Put yourself in each other’s shoes: Before I met Jason and before I got sober, I was working almost 60 hours a week and many days in a row in an emergency room. I would come home to a sister that called me lazy because I wanted to go into a coma on my days off. I remember how miserable I felt because I was working my hardest just to put food on the table and pay our bills--I wasn’t working just for fun! I always think about this when resident boyfriend has a day off--instead of being worried about cleaning or getting stuff done, I want him to have a relaxing moment or two…because life is too short to be worried about laundry.5. Tell each other how much you need them…and that you wouldn’t make it without them. Simple as that. Who is going to pick a fight or not try to compromise after you say something like that?
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